Monday, May 31, 2010

I don’t really get on much anymore. Things in my life have been absolutely topsy turvy. All the drama with the last boy has basically burned out. We’re kind of friends now – at least we talk more than we used to, even when we were, well whatever we were. I’ve been talking to another guy, and things are going really well. Well enough that we’re about to date – I haven’t really felt the need for a title with this kid, basically because I know how much he likes me. And how much I like him. And we actually talk about, to where it’s not something unspoken. We’ve been on several dates, and I just love being around him. I’ve become less self-conscience when it comes to my appearance. I mean, I make sure I “look good” but at the same time, I don’t constantly wonder how fat he thinks I am. Even though the boy is a stick. I’m not letting it bother me this time. I’m still not eating a lot, of course – but I’ve kept my weight down and I don’t feel the need to regurgitate everything I eat – I only eat food that’s easy to get rid of or won’t affect my weight – like empty calories. Being a vegetarian is helping me out way more than I remembered when I was younger and fighting with Ana because of all the heavy meats I would eat.
I just finished my Junior year of high school. I’m so glad it’s over, and I barely remember anything from this year anyways. It was way tough – not school wise, but with everything that happened. I’m just ready for a new beginning, and it seems like it’s finally possible for me to have that. My new boy, he’s everything I want & need in a guy. It’s actually pretty incredible that he likes me. I won’t take it for granted though. I don’t need him – it’s just a want to have him around – I wouldn’t ever become dependent on a guy, who if he knew absolutely everything about me (and didn’t like it) would leave me for anything to do with who I really am. I’ll let him in eventually, but for the time being, I’m only going to let him see what he NEEDS to see at this point. The rest will fall into place as this progresses. I’m not sure whether or not I’ll tell him about Ana. He knows I’m not a fan of food, but he doesn’t know EVERYTHING, and I just hope one day, if I ever do tell him, he’ll understand and not judge me like I know most guys would. He’s different. Different than Spiderman was – and I’m proud to say, when my Asian (my new boy) tells me he doesn’t judge, he’s serious and doesn’t. He’s also way open about everything. I know basically everything I’ve ever wanted to know about him – ever since I met him, and I didn’t even have to ask him all of it. A lot of it, he just offered up, no questions asked. He knows I want to know him. He just doesn’t know why I hold so much back. The thing is, he lives 45 minutes away from me, otherwise I’d probably have to tell him more, but considering I only see him a couple times a month, since he has a job and not a lot of free time, I don’t have to tell him so much – just the obvious information dealing and going on at the time. I think I needed something like this. I needed something like him. But, whether or not I stay with him, I’ll continue to be happy. I will never base all my happiness on one person. I’m too strong and way too independent for that.
Anyways, I hope everything is going well for all of you. I think about you all, quite often. Be good girls. <3