My god. I haven't felt this fat in weeks. I don't know what it is. Maybe the fact I had sex with my boyfriend last night, and it was just strange because all I was thinking the whole time was that I wish I was smaller - for him. I want him to be proud of me, not ashamed.
I want him to want me on his arm.
I want him to want to be seen with me.
I want him to be able to pick me up like he always threatens to do.
I want him to be able to try new things with a thin girlfriend.
Mainly, I want him to leave me so I'll have something more to be upset about and maybe actually lose this weight quicker.
I also know that if he left me, I'd become so depressed, I would probably fall back into eating all of the time. I hate that, but I guess I'm better off making him suffer being with me than him leaving me.
I'm so selfish. I just wish I could lose more weight. I'm at 130. A steady 130, but it's still too much. I just can't seem to get over this plateau. I would like for something who actually understands this to help me out.
Does anyone really know how to help though?