Friday, September 18, 2009

Bones are Clean and Pure

I messed up big time this morning - I ate saltines. Eight whole saltines. I was doing so good with the fasting until dinner, but I messed up. Screw. I feel like being sick. I refuse to eat any more today until I have to at dinner - 181 calories. I work off over 600 at the gym every day, so I'm not worried about that so much, but it bothers me.
I know I shouldn't complain, but I've lost like 3-4 pounds in the last week and now I'm eating salty foods? What am I thinking? Damnit. All I know is that this won't happen again. No more slip-ups. I just won't allow it. Not now, not now that I know what I want or now that I know I can do this.
On another note, it's Friday September 18, which is good, because after school today, I'm going to the gym for a couple of hours and I was going to go to the big rivalry football game, but since its looking as though it may rain all day, I'm definitely not going anymore. I might just chill with some friends - which is hard to avoid eating when they're all super skinny and always eating. Bitches can't get weight with those amazing metabolisms. I feel like any time I spend with them, I should really be spending running or riding my bike.
Finally I'm down to 148.4 - and I don't plan on having any weight back on me when I check the scale in the morning - I can't chance it. I'm skipping dinner, and just spending 3 or so hours at the gym.
I'm tired of trying to act like I'm comfortable in my own skin - all 3 billion pounds of it. I plan on enjoying all my time at the gym for as long as possible. Eating enough to get by, and nothing more. Listening to music to inspire me. The music that inspires the best of us and the worst of us.
And on that note, I need to get back to French class - partner project due today. Boo. At least it keeps me from eating. (:

Love Thin. Be Thin. Live Thin.

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