Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Spread The News

I didn't lose a single oz yesterday - I gained a lb. Not because I was eating too much, but I think the fact all I was doing yesterday was eating watery veggies for dinner and drinking water all throughout the day had something to do with it. I guess I just didn't have time for my body to get rid of it - remind me to not weight myself everyday like this. It's seriously an obsession that needs to stop. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not good enough to do this. I want the weight off, and want it off fast, but it's just taking too long. Although, I do suppose it's quicker than eating normal and working out - so, never mind. I'm sticking with it. (I feel like I just argued that with myself! Ha.)
In other news, I'm working harder than ever at the gym, and people are so noticing. I was at Carrabba's with my friend Matt the other day (because he's obsessed) and we were walking out when he yelled out to me to slow down, because I "walk too fast" and he caught up with me on the way to my car and was like, "You know that girl who works the to-go section?" and I was like, "Not personally, but I know who you're talking about. Why?" and he was like, "Oh nothing. She just asked if you were my girlfriend and I said no and she was like, 'Why not? She's beautiful.' and well, she's right."
I think I was in shock for a moment. He'd never said anything like that before. And I hadn't even eaten food when I was in there with him, so I think the glow he must see if all thanks to Ana. (: Anyways, it made me feel really good. I mean, it was amazing. I was high off of that compliment alone for like a week. It still makes me happy. And it's just one of those things that will help me to stay motivated and continue on with Ana.
I'm disgusted with myself for eating at all ever. I hate food right now. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. It sucks. I'm tired of never approving of what I see in the mirror and only being able to see my weight.
And yesterday, at lunch my friend Stace was sitting across from me eating a box of chicken and nasty fries and a cup of lemonade (lord knows how many calories that is) and she would start laughing when she was eating, and I'm glad she's happy and all - but her face is getting fatter like it used to be. She used to weigh like more than me, but then she lost a lot of weight. I weigh 3 pounds more than her right now, but she's flat in the stomach while mine's still not quite there yet. My friend Brad's noticing her weight gain too. And it bothers both of us. We worry that she's going to go and gain all that weight back.
Honestly, sometimes I WANT her to gain it back. I want her to be fat. I want to be the skinny one. Not that I'm anywhere near being skinny yet, but skinnier* than she is. I'd say that I shouldn't feel this way, but why the hell should I not have some healthy competition with a friend? Ha, healthy. Funny word, that. But it's whatever. Either she is or she isn't getting fatter. All I know is that I will never be this weight again, as long as I live and breath and can do something about it.
I wish I had more time to blog today. I have so much to finish during this block alone (French 3) and then I have to get everything together for my APUSH class this afternoon. Blah.

And Q: Does anyone know what I can do to help myself lose more weight, other than fasting, exercising, and taking dietary supplements?
And Q: How many calories add up to a pound?

Well, I have stuff to do, so I guess I'll get to it. And remember: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

Salut ma petites. <3

1 comment:

  1. I like juice fasting, i'm back to it rite now, that really helps you to see weight loss easily and your body will let go of excess fluid instead of getting overloaded w/ water. water has no nutrients so ppl tend to drink more of it on water fasts. however, juices have nutrients and allow you to stay "fuller" longer, and your body gets it's water as well.

    also, there are 3500cals in a pound. i kno, it's so insanely high.
    Scarlet <3