Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Damn me to Hell - I suck.

I haven't been keeping up with this blog lately. I need to. I'll start by mentioning that I officially suck as of the last couple of days. I've binged like crazy, gained 4 pounds and am entirely sick of myself. I even skipped the gym yesterday and just went and freaking ate out with my gym buddy. So, neither of us doing so great. All I know is that, as of tomorrow, I'm for sure back on my FAST!

On another note, I'm starting to join more clubs in order to keep my mind off of the F word. I'll still have plenty of time to hit the gym, but I'll have less time to eat since all I'll worry about it working for club things, homework and working out! It's smart. And I'm considering getting a job…

We'll see if that works out for me. I'll keep you posted. (:

My birthday's next month. October 25. I'm not sure how much I'm looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to be 17, finally. But, I'm also not sure if I'm ready to keep getting older. That sounds dumb, yeah - I know. But, I want something different to happen.

Back to being upset with myself. My nails are bit down to the cue. It's nasty. I can't stop being nervous all the time. All I think about it food. And how fat I am. It's disgusting. I need help, like major help. Anyone who has any ideas, please speak to me. Help me through this.

Stay Strong. Think Thin. <3


  1. Hey... I'm here for you. Try to relax, take a warm bath, read a book. I kno it sounds dumb but it helps. if you need to talk, let me kno....


  2. Oh it's not strange not wanting to get much older, i'm turning 17 too in the 1st week of november and seeing it near reminds me of what i could've been by now if i had just pushed back from the table. beauty and brains you know? So i totally get what you mean. In times like this after a big gain the main thing is not to stress and use it to your advantage. your metabolism is way up for one, so don't let it go back down by fasting too much. when you eat again (i'm talking 2-3 day fasts) your weight will go back up. it's a vicious cycle. I've been eating very little and losing a pound a day. keep the metabolism up but your cals DOWN.
    good luck!
    Scarlet <3