Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Today is a new day

Today was day 3 of my fast. I've lost 2 lbs, and by tomorrow I should be down another 2 lbs. I feel really good, and I've so missed the feeling of being empty. Now, I have to give props to SkinnyLove for fasting along with me, and also because she's finally realized she's got an ED. That's a big deal; it's one thing to think that maybe you do have one, but a whole other thing to understand that you really Have one. So, I say congratulations and good luck with the fast!
So, I've had a pretty good day today. I haven't been hungry or anything, so it's not like I've thought of food much. I mean, seriously. Tomorrow will be the day that decides how this fast is going to go, which I'm pretty sure it will be fine. My stomach growled for the first time in 3 days like, 2 hours ago, and it shocked me. I still didn't and don't feel hungry.
It is now hours later, since I first started this entry. I've figured a couple things out. Mainly, that because of my ever changing moods, which I guess I should explain to you. I'm bipolar. I've known for a couple years, but it's never affected me as much as it had recently. I've basically sheltered myself off from making more friends just because all the people I hang out with are super bitchy, like how I am, except they're that way because they choose to be. I'm sick of being mean to people. I don't mean to be, but it happens. Especially with a medical condition, so tonight I decided that I'm going to start seeing a psychiatrist. Yeah, it seems kind of extreme, but if you had to walk around in my head for a day, you'd know it's probably the best thing for me.
Now, no way in hell will my psychiatrist find out about Ana. I won't let that happen, but maybe if I was nicer to people, things would start looking up and I could finally put my full focus on Ana. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. I'll discuss the fact that I'm hateful towards people, and maybe find out why. I think it's more about a necessity for me to figure out what's wrong with me, than what I want. If I had my way, I'd be fine and dandy, but the fact is - I'm mean to people and it should stop. Especially considering everything I put myself through. I have no right to be rude to others, and yet I am. Maybe this guy/woman can help me get on track so I can focus on more important things.
I've actually considered going to see someone about everything before, but I guess I just wasn't ready to admit I had a problem until recently. I seriously need this. Maybe everything will make more sense after I talk to someone. Maybe it won't, but it's worth a shot to me.
The gym today was amazing. I felt so strong. I went without my gym buddy again - since she obviously had better things to do - go out to eat with her dad… anyways. I'm pretty sure I'm happier since I started this fast. I know it's going to take some time, but the results I've gotten so far are making it seem more than worth it. And seriously, this whole taking Benefiber with different drinks I have, omg. It's so working. I'm getting rid of so many bad things in my system, it's crazy. Maybe not crazy, but it's definitely a good thing. (:
And for those of you who are planning to, or doing the fast with me, more power to you. I'm seriously here for anyone who wants to talk about it. I know it's somewhat difficult, considering I'm just getting back into fasting myself, but I've also been here, so I know what to expect.

Alright, so I'm starting to get all shaky (amazing!) so I'm going to go lay down, look at my Vogue and listen to some thinspration. I'll check in again soon. I love you girls.

Stay strong. Think Thin. Fast free. <3


  1. wow 3 days. good job! i thought about maybe seeing someone too, but i am too embarassed so i just stick to my online counsellor.

  2. three days!! OMG wish i could do that. I've only done a 36hr one. rite now i'm kind of doing a fast, mon., weds., and fri. every week. so i am with you (mostly XD) all the way!!! Good luck!
    Scarlet <3